Vent not really a poem, just how I feel

Not really a poem...just how I feel

Damn this wall is up again...
everytime I wanna let someone in, it pulls me back and it says no not again
It would just help so much if we didnt play this game, of me liking you and Im thinking you feel the same...leading me on I know how you play, talking to me but never really making a claim
I cant take this anymore, meeting someone new, thinking that he may be potentially You...
I dont know what else I have to prove to let you know that I like you, buts its cool the Bitch is returning to her thorne of being cold hearted, mean, and closed off...beause my heart cant be mangled anymore, no more pitty patty with someone who may not really like me or really even want me....and when its to late, its to late I'm soo drained of letting you know I care for you not to say anything in return, maybe I came off to strong, but it would help if you would give me some type of response...But No more will I reply cause I know that whatever you tell me is a lie....
I know I have my issues and this may be clear, but who can blame me being torn down for years. I just dont want anymore hurt and pain Im ready for my soulmate...So Im gonna wait in God's time for my mate to find my I's.....

Know alot of Guys be thinking my s%@^ is about them, but this one is not to be confused this one is for YOU....lol

I felt a need to write this note just to reasure u of how much I care about u and to hopefully make you smile, and warm your heart a lil , lol :)Since the first time we met I knew that you would be a wonderful part of my life (altough we we're drunk,lol)...every moment we have spent together, whether it has been in person, on the phone, a text, facebook, or you thinking of me or me thinking of you its never in vain...

During this time we have been friends ( and more, lol ) you know my emotional ass has went through alot Ive gone from liking you alot, crying about it, to damn near hating you and never wanting to see you again, to me completely caring about you in soo many different ways, so because i cant tell you id rather express it in this note...

So with your split personality ass I'm gonna address Twista First:OOOOHHHHHHH that arogant ass nigga I cant stand him(lol), always in the club actin a fool, got hella girls flockin to him Gotta whole entourage of real niggas and fakes who in time will step up to the plate of who they really are..

He wont let you know how he feels, the EGO wont allow it

Gonna down play YOU to the crew so they wont know how much he's really feeling you

That crazy ass nigga, dont really know what he wants bluntly, he just wants to sow his royal oats (Coming to America lmao!!)

It drives Chi chi crazy on how Twista is on his shit hella swag, oh so sexy that the thought of you inside of me makes me.....lol A perfect match for Chi Chi with all her spice and fire...Twista the one they LOVE to HATE because they think that him and Rashad are one in the same

But now I gotta explain Rashad:

U are a man of great integrity and who has the power to touch people's souls, who unknowingly has my heart in his hands....

You make me smile so much Rashad the thought of being with you takes me to a beautiful place that i never want to leave, when I see you to this day i still get butterflies, I know its corny but its true, spending time with you never gets old...Im free to be me with you, and hopefully I grant you the same, your presence brings me so much bliss that i just cant help to get wrapped up in u

Although we have been through some things and at one point in time I vowed never to talk to you again, i cant imagine my life without u, and whatever God hs instore for us im content with

No one has ever effected my entire being the way you have and you may not realize this all right now but hopefully one day u will and the timing will be perfect...So with all that said, this is why I miss, care, think about, and love you...

This is a Letter i wrote a while ago for someone whom has touched my life in a Great way,

But the best is yet to come for me and because its not you,

I wish you the best...

why do you withdraw when all I want to do is draw near...

Why do you hurt me by casting your silent fears on me
I'd rather you say it, scream it, yell it, let it pour out of you in anguish and pain
Instead of you touch me with the huge burden that tortures your brain

Why do you withdraw when all i want to do is draw near...

I know you love me this I'm sure
The heavenly bliss I feel bursts out of you
The fire I see in your I's that only my I's can see, is only for me...
So how can you give up so easily? Just throw up your hands and leave, when I thought I provided an environment that made you want to cleave

Why do you withdraw when all i want to do is draw near...

My dear just love me without fear, giving me your all or nothing...at, all
But at, all... is hard for me to say a thought I cannot tame,
I can take nothing, I can live for nothing, but if its nothing...at, all that means
There is no hope no chance

BUT NOW THE REVELATION HAS MANIFESTED....

So I say to you Mr.Man, controlling my heart and my mind...
Although your not the only one to blame, cause I let you create this soul tie
But I have to be free from this game

Free from the abandonment and hurt by you being a coward for not just saying
Camille,
I dont want you right now, all I want to do is lay and play with the women of this world
And its not my fault your not like the rest thats why I could never give you less than my best....
But you Deserve a man who will chase after your love,
Endulge hinself in the presence of God and live to love you...

Because you didnt say this I still forgive you, and I still care for you, but now its time to say goodbye...
Im thankful for the things you have taught me about myself not knowingly you made it easier for my husband to come, because through the abandonment and pain I grew....
I'm wiser, stronger, and more loving...
For him I go through the fire, being tried and tried again, but in the end He will find his heart, and his heart will be in me and togther we can come out as pure Gold, flawless and pure before God...

Love He Is so Love I Live

open heart (no judging allowed,lol)

Everytime I see you, you make my heart smile...feeling this way about you is ridiculous to me, this caught me off gaurd cause it happened so suddenly, yes we have met time and time again not really remembering your face or name, but this time it really sunk in...you have a natural sweetness you posses and a caring nature I can see, and it amazes me because you do this all so genuinely ...when you sing its like your singing about me, for me, and to me... your voice is chocolate just like you, so sweet, so satisfying, and can Imagine it makes you tingle all over when used in the right way :)...But you wont ever know i feel this way...Confident, sassy, and never afraid to speak my mind, this time its all turned around...I find myself being shy and bashful when I'm kind of alone with you, cause I really desire to spend all of my time with you, not sharing you with no one else I want you all to myself, just for now at least, so we can let our chemistry manifest instead of being stifled by our fears...so with all that said I dont think I have ever liked someone this much off of our first real encounter,but hopefully if destiny has its way we will see what this relationship could grow to be....

Love He Is

how can u love someone like me??

Full of greed and anger I kissed you like Judus, thinking I can betray u and still claim the money and fame without realizing my sanity was up for gain...
The spririt constantly wars for my soul but I chose to be consumed with the fire of doom, fulfilling the lusts my heart desired, I soon found that I had suckun 7 times deeper into the things that I had once rebuked the devil for and called him a liar....
Deteremined to settle for nothing less than fun, i did everything under the sun
The seductive game began when I let him win because I let him in, He entered with full force taking what I said was his, but thats the foolish mindset of Sin...
Thinking that it would all end there i set out on a journey to be sexually free with nothing binding me, stopping at nothing to fulfill any sexual sins...
To enhance this new found passion of my life I would have a bottle of gin by my side,
Buddy i called them, they would make sure i got in and def made sure I got out, but as friends sometimes do, they let u down..
Again and again he left me dazed, alone, sick, and confused poisoning my body I felt the need to stop but who would be there to ease the pain...
So me and buddy continued for a while, going from party to party, club to club, or just that night when i was bored....
Couldnt stand to be bored, that meant i had to think about myself and the condition the devil had lured me in...
But one day I couldnt breathe that air anymore, making me sick to my stomach I had to flee,
smelling myself and realizing that sin doesnt stay in one area, IT cannot be controlled, because ultimately my soul for him is the ultimate win
But I declare No More...
No more, insanity, pleas for life to waste it again, and looking for validation in that "NEW" friend...
No more running from conviction and my deliverance....
Its time to rise up and LIVE for God, the one and only savior Jesus Christ...
Because I know he wins, me being in him and him being in me I win also...
My God how could you love someone like me, but his love is unconditional never changing, because he see's me For who I am and for for what I am doing, he cant stop...
Love he is, and love I live.....
Thats what i desire, being a voice and face for this generation to turn to I pray I can live up to God's standards so that I may let him live through me to draw them to him that may....
Love he is, and love I live
I will stop at nothing to do his work for my life and most importantly for the lives of others, because one thing I learned somebody is depending on it because I was depending on my mother, and my Gparents who never gave up on me
Love he is, and love I live
Lord I just ask that my ways be pleasing in your sight and that I never do anything for fortune or fame but for the total glorification of you.....
LOVE HE IS and LOVE I LIVE

Love or infatuation i cant decide i try to view things through my minds eye but my heart overrides it every time

foolishly thinking i can leave you alone, that I'm done and never to return

but the reality is I'm caught up in a love sick addiction in which my heart refuses to flee

so my mind fights me constantly

I'm sorry mind for doing this again but damn he keep breaking me off again and again.... oh and one more again!!!

but how can you blame me you know you love that ridiculous body crippling, stomach turning, emotions flaring high,

and that's why he knows that as long as he's supplying I'm always his addict desperately needing the next time Oh how I need to escape....

but insanely i want to stay and remain in tangled in the so called love he feeds me wrapped in the emotions of caring, genuine, and true

but honestly I'm no fool i know exactly how you do what you do

because little do you know I'm doing it to you

So together we stay in a relationship built on lust of me and lust of you,

i needing you for that last time...and for another last time, and you needing me cause ILL accept YOU every time, and knowing in your heart that YOU could never deny me cause YOU'LL accept ME every time

But baby there Will come a day when true love will come my way, and all i can pray is that i wont be so gone that i cant break free from the lust of sin that you tied me in.

Hoping that i can live free from you and never to return again!!!

So the time has come where i must choose to remain an addict living off the likes of you, or live for the One and True Love who carried me through?

And guess who i choose?

Not you, but the man who said come when you used and abused me, and yet said come

when i made a vow to him and broke it,

or the times i said he is my everything and i will forsake all else and i returned back to the lusts of you..

.BUT HE STILL SAID COME!!!

So i can conclude today that you are lust and my God is Love. Unconditionally, never failing, always upright Love!!!!!!!

And that this addict has broken free from the chains of bondage through the salvation of my ONE TRUE LOVE!!!!!!!

love lies

We met on a Sunday, had sex on a Monday, had more on that Tuesday, fell deep by Wednesday, needed more on Thursday, and he was gone on a Friday, came back on Saturday, and again on Sunday.

Wow, how this story unfolds including a man and a woman passionately, infatuated, stimulated and unconsciously blinded by the road their love has taken, which is, truly untold.
Only in this short time others will soon experience their love lies.
These Lies, led to lovesick addictions, painful transitions, and hitting and fighting any thing, or anyone who gets in the way of the addict getting their way.

So again I say this story unfolds with a man and a woman with blinded, lovesick, infatuated feelings that led to the thrill of acting out the fantasy of love lies, which led to their final demise.

Now let’s start the story from Sunday’s eyes. “Gurl, I don’t know how you do it; putting up with his mess, and letting him do wutever he wants!” says Foxy. “ I don’t know how I do it either, this may sound stupid, and shallow but when you find some one who’s doing it right you just can’t let go!!!” D-baby says Laughing, “You are sooo crazy!!!” Foxy responds.

Walking through the doors of student fries and union times, Foxy spots a sexy young guy, whose style at that second drove her a little wild, standing their demanding his presence to be known but speaking so softly like a man who knows his right tone.

Short, black, and kind of mischievous she knew, but Foxy already told herself that this guy she would pursue. Now the story is really about to unfold, standing there was this crazy girl who goes by the name of lace, already entangled in this guys eye’s lace thought that this would be her man, but by surprise Foxy had other plans.

Foxy knew that this girl couldn’t kill her pursuit so now it’s a matter of how low will Foxy stoop. But by her simply saying hi she knew that his eyes wouldn’t lie, and when her plan worked she knew that this guy would require her best time....
Monday, he was supposed to be there to see lace shine and Foxy play the role of best friend by her side.

But unfortunate events led to unfortunate twists and left them in the bed wandering, how the hell did we end up like this? From talking on face, to conversing on the phone, to rocking her body to the undeniable moan, the passion was unreal and losing control Foxy won the bet. The bet with herself that this guy would be mine and that she would be so slick that with his wouldnt find....

“Man oh man” Foxy said to herself. The physical trying to beat the mental drove her body insane. Not knowing that his body was going through the same.
So yeah, on Tuesday they fucked again and again and again to the point that on Wednesday they fell to deep in.

Fell to deep to tell lace the truth that “honey child, gurl you lose!” They fell to deep in to tell her that “Gurl I fucked yo man from the kitchen floor to the bed post, damn” But did they fall to deep for Foxy to let his bro in, damn this crazy game we play. How could she ever stop this addiction to the thrill of getting caught, and him not knowing what he had in his heart?

So the evil plan began, he would date her and she would date his bro. Whoa!!! This is crazy how this story unfolds!

Thursday came and the game that they feared to play became reality.
Foxy with the bro and he with lace led to the best sex ever between the guy and I.
Touching, tarring, and licking each other bodies made the heart race at an incredible pace and not knowing why they were both addicted to the high.
But by Friday he said bye, bye...
and that he couldn’t handle the tricks that they as one were playing with the others hearts and with our own.

So she cried, screamed, yelled, and chased after him to come back to hell, a hell that they Both knew had made the gap between them and reality to steep...
But by surprise he came back again said he couldn’t live without this hell on earth where they were engulfed in heavenly sin...

Saturday was the day when they said it would all end with bro and her totally lost in what they only known to be their love sick addiction. Head over hills in love Foxy and her guy fell, so for now they would indulge themselves in lovesick lies, and start over on Sunday which suddenly was the final demise of Lace and bro for they had already knew that Foxy and guy was in together on the big, huge love lie.