forgive me

Forgive me if Im a little crazy, and I dont follow the pschyological norm...

Tryna be that chick you can always depend on just left me broke, pissed and confused
I gained nothing as you gained it all
Put me through hell? No baby you didn't do that at all...
Instead you gave me peace, a hopefull future and a since of completion
No one can debate that.... But again you left me broke, pissed and confused
Leaving me to my own devices and tools

Fire, in your eyes, and in your action, you lite one match and up in flames we went
Fire, killing the memory of you and me as short lived as it may be with
Fire, that sent me a blaze after just one plea
Fire, that never sparked an intent of return
Fire, that didnt dare spare an inch of my mind, body or soul
Fire, that swept through like a plague killing those emotions you so willingly gave...

So forgive me if I haven't cried yet, I think I'm in a bit of a shock?

Because this all has me at a lost
I mess up twice and you said this is the end
when I said...wait!!! not true, I sacrficed so much for you and I didnt think twice to let you in... And you said well damn baby thats all on you again...
All on me, all on me!!!????

So forgive me if I yell, scream, cry, shout and throw a fit like Im 5 years old with a potty mouth

Cause you was my daddy... Oh wait Isn't that what you liked me to call you??
Yeahhh you remember that?? And just like he abandoned you, you abandoned me
All you had was love to give, as did I... But because of that my heart got the best of me and you denied me without giving me any time...

So forgive me if I act a fool, cause I don't know how to handle my emotions when it deals with you...

Have you ever thought that you being with another woman just leaves me sooo shattered ??Im screaming these profanities BITCH FUCK YOU because without my insanity Im really shouting I LOVE YOU... Forgive me for caring soo much that everyday I wake up Im more in love with you, forgive me that this stone heart was finally turning into flesh! And yes I admitt I didn't know how to handle it yet!! Forgive me because I just knew that you could be miles away but in your finger tips alone you could feel how much I love you, Forgive me for showing you an unconditional love as much as I could, never focusing on your flaws but always focusing on the man I genuinely trust to hold my life oh so carefully in his palms...

So yeah forgive me cause I acted a fool but I guess my love for you overshadowed the truth...

The truth is my love grew sooo much that it covered me and you, so you see what I thought you felt for me couldnt have been the truth... I thought I could compliment and help you for the better I let go of some childish things to give you time to clear the smoke, but shame on me all the words I uttered you just wrapped your hands around my neck and choked... choked the life out of this situation and so suddenly might I add...

So again forgive me if I haven't cried because Im in a bit of shock, on how fast my heart was snatched and thrown to the rocks

Forgive me you say you have but can you really look me in my eye and tell me that lie?
Forgive me hmmm I think not, cause if you did you would've gave me time... But I guess you didnt feel like we were worth it, just a little college flinge with a girl with big dreams??

So forgive me baby cause I would have gave you an eternity for time...

This is something that could have been fixed, but I guess your pride wouldn't let you believe this, if you wanted to fix it you would have worked at it but this hurts me everytime to think that you were looking for this great escape all along because you never felt like it was worth it...
So this is not a plea, or even something that needs a response but just a writing for you from me...

With Gunz a blazin...

I shot and dont miss, my aim is lethal... you'd rather feel my pistol than see my gun... I give you a chance to make amends get back on the right track so we dont have to go through this shit again... But a good main I thought you were... you fooled me and you couldnt run, walk, hop, skip, or jump back like YOU said you could...A MAN you said you were, and one who would love me to the end of time, but my bullets found your demise... I gave you chance after chance to bring me the goods... Instead over again you lied to me, spitting in the cup I drank from... you stole my shit after you hit that small lick, its not the money Im concerned with, its the shit you pulled... and for that There is no times over, and my hands feel no remorse for the corpse that I blew into you... It makes me a little sad that my heart is stone cold... But once made of flesh you pireced it to stone.... No more I say and I wanna put my guns away.... So I shot the shadow of my past in hopes to come with terms with the reflections of now... With my life in my hands I will stop but not with the help of man or that of you... But when my mind is completely anew....

Vent not really a poem, just how I feel

Not really a poem...just how I feel

Damn this wall is up again...
everytime I wanna let someone in, it pulls me back and it says no not again
It would just help so much if we didnt play this game, of me liking you and Im thinking you feel the same...leading me on I know how you play, talking to me but never really making a claim
I cant take this anymore, meeting someone new, thinking that he may be potentially You...
I dont know what else I have to prove to let you know that I like you, buts its cool the Bitch is returning to her thorne of being cold hearted, mean, and closed off...beause my heart cant be mangled anymore, no more pitty patty with someone who may not really like me or really even want me....and when its to late, its to late I'm soo drained of letting you know I care for you not to say anything in return, maybe I came off to strong, but it would help if you would give me some type of response...But No more will I reply cause I know that whatever you tell me is a lie....
I know I have my issues and this may be clear, but who can blame me being torn down for years. I just dont want anymore hurt and pain Im ready for my soulmate...So Im gonna wait in God's time for my mate to find my I's.....

Know alot of Guys be thinking my s%@^ is about them, but this one is not to be confused this one is for YOU....lol

I felt a need to write this note just to reasure u of how much I care about u and to hopefully make you smile, and warm your heart a lil , lol :)Since the first time we met I knew that you would be a wonderful part of my life (altough we we're drunk,lol)...every moment we have spent together, whether it has been in person, on the phone, a text, facebook, or you thinking of me or me thinking of you its never in vain...

During this time we have been friends ( and more, lol ) you know my emotional ass has went through alot Ive gone from liking you alot, crying about it, to damn near hating you and never wanting to see you again, to me completely caring about you in soo many different ways, so because i cant tell you id rather express it in this note...

So with your split personality ass I'm gonna address Twista First:OOOOHHHHHHH that arogant ass nigga I cant stand him(lol), always in the club actin a fool, got hella girls flockin to him Gotta whole entourage of real niggas and fakes who in time will step up to the plate of who they really are..

He wont let you know how he feels, the EGO wont allow it

Gonna down play YOU to the crew so they wont know how much he's really feeling you

That crazy ass nigga, dont really know what he wants bluntly, he just wants to sow his royal oats (Coming to America lmao!!)

It drives Chi chi crazy on how Twista is on his shit hella swag, oh so sexy that the thought of you inside of me makes me.....lol A perfect match for Chi Chi with all her spice and fire...Twista the one they LOVE to HATE because they think that him and Rashad are one in the same

But now I gotta explain Rashad:

U are a man of great integrity and who has the power to touch people's souls, who unknowingly has my heart in his hands....

You make me smile so much Rashad the thought of being with you takes me to a beautiful place that i never want to leave, when I see you to this day i still get butterflies, I know its corny but its true, spending time with you never gets old...Im free to be me with you, and hopefully I grant you the same, your presence brings me so much bliss that i just cant help to get wrapped up in u

Although we have been through some things and at one point in time I vowed never to talk to you again, i cant imagine my life without u, and whatever God hs instore for us im content with

No one has ever effected my entire being the way you have and you may not realize this all right now but hopefully one day u will and the timing will be perfect...So with all that said, this is why I miss, care, think about, and love you...

This is a Letter i wrote a while ago for someone whom has touched my life in a Great way,

But the best is yet to come for me and because its not you,

I wish you the best...

why do you withdraw when all I want to do is draw near...

Why do you hurt me by casting your silent fears on me
I'd rather you say it, scream it, yell it, let it pour out of you in anguish and pain
Instead of you touch me with the huge burden that tortures your brain

Why do you withdraw when all i want to do is draw near...

I know you love me this I'm sure
The heavenly bliss I feel bursts out of you
The fire I see in your I's that only my I's can see, is only for me...
So how can you give up so easily? Just throw up your hands and leave, when I thought I provided an environment that made you want to cleave

Why do you withdraw when all i want to do is draw near...

My dear just love me without fear, giving me your all or nothing...at, all
But at, all... is hard for me to say a thought I cannot tame,
I can take nothing, I can live for nothing, but if its nothing...at, all that means
There is no hope no chance

BUT NOW THE REVELATION HAS MANIFESTED....

So I say to you Mr.Man, controlling my heart and my mind...
Although your not the only one to blame, cause I let you create this soul tie
But I have to be free from this game

Free from the abandonment and hurt by you being a coward for not just saying
Camille,
I dont want you right now, all I want to do is lay and play with the women of this world
And its not my fault your not like the rest thats why I could never give you less than my best....
But you Deserve a man who will chase after your love,
Endulge hinself in the presence of God and live to love you...

Because you didnt say this I still forgive you, and I still care for you, but now its time to say goodbye...
Im thankful for the things you have taught me about myself not knowingly you made it easier for my husband to come, because through the abandonment and pain I grew....
I'm wiser, stronger, and more loving...
For him I go through the fire, being tried and tried again, but in the end He will find his heart, and his heart will be in me and togther we can come out as pure Gold, flawless and pure before God...

Love He Is so Love I Live

open heart (no judging allowed,lol)

Everytime I see you, you make my heart smile...feeling this way about you is ridiculous to me, this caught me off gaurd cause it happened so suddenly, yes we have met time and time again not really remembering your face or name, but this time it really sunk in...you have a natural sweetness you posses and a caring nature I can see, and it amazes me because you do this all so genuinely ...when you sing its like your singing about me, for me, and to me... your voice is chocolate just like you, so sweet, so satisfying, and can Imagine it makes you tingle all over when used in the right way :)...But you wont ever know i feel this way...Confident, sassy, and never afraid to speak my mind, this time its all turned around...I find myself being shy and bashful when I'm kind of alone with you, cause I really desire to spend all of my time with you, not sharing you with no one else I want you all to myself, just for now at least, so we can let our chemistry manifest instead of being stifled by our fears...so with all that said I dont think I have ever liked someone this much off of our first real encounter,but hopefully if destiny has its way we will see what this relationship could grow to be....

Love He Is

how can u love someone like me??

Full of greed and anger I kissed you like Judus, thinking I can betray u and still claim the money and fame without realizing my sanity was up for gain...
The spririt constantly wars for my soul but I chose to be consumed with the fire of doom, fulfilling the lusts my heart desired, I soon found that I had suckun 7 times deeper into the things that I had once rebuked the devil for and called him a liar....
Deteremined to settle for nothing less than fun, i did everything under the sun
The seductive game began when I let him win because I let him in, He entered with full force taking what I said was his, but thats the foolish mindset of Sin...
Thinking that it would all end there i set out on a journey to be sexually free with nothing binding me, stopping at nothing to fulfill any sexual sins...
To enhance this new found passion of my life I would have a bottle of gin by my side,
Buddy i called them, they would make sure i got in and def made sure I got out, but as friends sometimes do, they let u down..
Again and again he left me dazed, alone, sick, and confused poisoning my body I felt the need to stop but who would be there to ease the pain...
So me and buddy continued for a while, going from party to party, club to club, or just that night when i was bored....
Couldnt stand to be bored, that meant i had to think about myself and the condition the devil had lured me in...
But one day I couldnt breathe that air anymore, making me sick to my stomach I had to flee,
smelling myself and realizing that sin doesnt stay in one area, IT cannot be controlled, because ultimately my soul for him is the ultimate win
But I declare No More...
No more, insanity, pleas for life to waste it again, and looking for validation in that "NEW" friend...
No more running from conviction and my deliverance....
Its time to rise up and LIVE for God, the one and only savior Jesus Christ...
Because I know he wins, me being in him and him being in me I win also...
My God how could you love someone like me, but his love is unconditional never changing, because he see's me For who I am and for for what I am doing, he cant stop...
Love he is, and love I live.....
Thats what i desire, being a voice and face for this generation to turn to I pray I can live up to God's standards so that I may let him live through me to draw them to him that may....
Love he is, and love I live
I will stop at nothing to do his work for my life and most importantly for the lives of others, because one thing I learned somebody is depending on it because I was depending on my mother, and my Gparents who never gave up on me
Love he is, and love I live
Lord I just ask that my ways be pleasing in your sight and that I never do anything for fortune or fame but for the total glorification of you.....
LOVE HE IS and LOVE I LIVE